So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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