and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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