he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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