did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
