Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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