uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
