Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
