I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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