And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
