3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
