I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
