they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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