i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
