yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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