Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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