R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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