you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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