Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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