if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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