guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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