i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
