You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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