Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my being single is dangerous.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
