she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
