Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
