So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
