ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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