Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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