There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
