It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
smell my finger.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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