i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
