Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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