saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
