I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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