Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
