I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
