so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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