also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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