sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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