Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
