So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
