just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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