He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
