Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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