his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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