i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
