the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
