Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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