well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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