She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
