This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize