if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
