Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
