there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
