Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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