whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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