Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Use "feeling words"
Yay
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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