just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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