My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
