last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
