ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
