Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
