I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
