It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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