The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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