He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize