I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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