She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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