his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
