if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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