I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
