you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
