I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
